The Lengths We Go

I've been told many times by many people how they couldn't imagine going through a long strict bed rest as we did when pregnant with Ezra. In total I was in bed, laying on my left side, and getting up only to shower (twice a week with a chair), go to the bathroom, and go to my doctor (and the hospital, twice when things got scary) - for four months.

The toughest time by far was the time I lost with Canaan. It's so crazy to think about the loss of that time, and the loss of time with our daughter. There is so much of her life I am missing right now. It's a big part of why his time without her is tough, feeling like I am loosing precious time with another of my children.* Every night when I rock Ezra to sleep, I think of her, willing her to know in that moment that I am rocking them both. I am holding him and holding her, and dreaming of the day that all of my children will be home, safe, and in our arms. 

Our time of bed rest was extremely tough, but now it seems like a very distant memory. And here we are with the funniest, wildest little man that we completely adore. And of course I'd do it all over in a second for him. And, even though so many say they couldn't do it, I know they all would. Because I know the lengths we all go for our children. 

And so we face this road with confidence in having, in a way, been here before. We know that one year from now we will have this amazing little girl in our family... and we know that we'd travel this road a hundred times over to find her. 

This song has been running through my mind all day...

"I'd go the whole wide world

I'd go the whole wide world
Just to find her

I'd go the whole wide world

I'd go the whole wide world
Find out where they hide her"

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* I feel guilty explaining the difficulty of this process, because I know that our daughter is the one who has really lost the most. She has lost her first family, and she will lose her country, and current care givers. She will come to us with having suffered trauma from these losses - more any child should ever have to go through.