Middle Mommys

My friend "S" and her husband recently became licensed foster parents, and very soon after found themselves with little ones in their family. They quickly fell in love with the babies in their care, but just a few short weeks later the children were placed with extended biological family. It's heartbreaking for foster families to love and then lose their foster children, even if returning to biological family is the best thing for the children. And that is why the love of foster families is so beautiful and selfless. Because despite the heartbreak they love anyway. And the love of foster families is so essential. Not just a roof over a child's head, but love. Because love grows children - emotionally, spiritually, even physically.

Seeing "S" go through the pain of loosing her foster children had me often wondering about our own child's caregivers. Whether our daughter is in an orphanage or a foster home, my greatest hope for her right now is that she is loved. I know that if she is, this will sadly mean pain for her caregivers (and our daughter) when we bring our little girl home. But her being loved in this in-between time is the best we can hope for her right now.

Last week I was reading the blog of a fellow China momma, and was struck so hard by the story of meeting her child's foster family.  She wrote this of the experience:

"We arrived at the place that Julia Mei lived her entire life. Her apartment was on the second floor and I think it had 3 rooms. Once we entered the apartment it was like a huge party, with lots of loud talking, smiling faces, and fruit to share.  Julia Mei's foster parents were older, with 2 adult children, a grandchild, and 2 other foster children.  The younger foster child is unable to see and the older one I believe is also visually impaired and it looks like microcephally. 

We were packed in that kitchen and the gifts started. A beautiful new jacket,  pants, and hat for Julia Mei.  For me, a handmade scarf and a cross stitch that took 3 months to make. Julia Mei's foster sister put the scarf on me and laughed and chattered in Chinese, probably about my big and wild hair that she was pulling up for me. Julia Mei was all smiles although she was 110% bossy about eating enough clementines,  and she was catered to by all. 

I got to see the bedroom and where Julia Mei slept.  It looked like a changing table and I believe there was only 1 bedroom.  Her play area was on the floor. Everybody took out their phones to show me pictures and videos of her as a small infant. She was clearly treasured by this family.  The mother explained that they live in government housing and will need to move out in 2 years when they tear it down.

We went outside to look at the river and to take more photos. They lit fireworks as we left. I will never forget this place and I'm so amazed even to have had the opportunity to meet this family since that is not always allowed. Their home would clearly not be cut out as a foster home in the United States and in fact,  a child would probably be removed from such a setting. The extreme poverty did not matter.  The neighbors, extended family,  and foster parents provided care and love in a familial setting that an orphanage could never match.

We said our final goodbyes and dropped off the foster mom. She was sobbing and Julia Mei passed out in the car after crying herself to sleep."




It is rare for an adoptive family to have such an experience, meeting their child's foster family. I am so thankful for this blog and the peak into their foster family's life.

What Late Nights Look Like

I find myself up way too late, on a good number of nights looking at photos of waiting children that go on and on. I'd love to become a child advocate. These little ones are just so sweet, and every last one deserves a loving home.

My stomping grounds...

• http://www.holtinternational.org/china/standard.php?region=China
• http://wasatchadoptionschina.blogspot.com
• http://lifelinechild.org/adoption/international/china/waiting-children
• http://www.allgodschildren.org/adoption/our-adoption-programs/waiting-children
• http://www.ccaifamily.org/WaitingChild/WaitingChildProfile.aspx
• http://childrenshouseinternational.com/asia-waiting-children/
• http://www.rainbowkids.com

Her Christmas Song

Last Christmas, in the middle of all our uncertainty of where we should adopt, and thinking for the first time that China might be an actual option, I was driving to work and praying for God's guidance.

I was praying that God might make our path clear. As I was praying, this song came on the radio. As you can imagine, I quickly became a mess - crying, aching for our child, and thanking God for his perfect timing and speaking though this song. 

3 Months DOWN!

We have crossed the three-month mark in our wait for "the call"! In total now, we have been in the process to bring home our daughter for 12 months, and now we have been able to be matched off of the "shared list" (list of children issued by the Chinese government and shared by different agencies) for 3 months.

We have gotten a bit of a reality check last week. All along, I had been expecting to wait 6 months for our match, but when our dossier was logged in we were told it could be 4-6 months. I tried, REALLY, I did, to NOT get my hopes up for a 4-month wait instead of a 6-month one. But slowly hope creeped in. This week I was on one of my MANY adoption facebook groups, and a girl posted that she had been waiting for almost 2 YEARS for her match - and she had a VERY similar child profile to us. This had me more than a little freaked out. So I contacted our agency to get a better picture of where we stood in our wait. Thankfully, they still expect 6 months (but sadly, not 4).

So, we will set our sights on March. Right now that seems like a million years away, but I know soon enough it will be here. We can't wait to see her face for the first time, and to learn all we can about this sweet girl we have been praying for. :)

Merry Christmas Baby

Their stockings were hung by the chimney with care... in hopes that their mei mei, soon would be there. :)

It makes me happy to think that this time next year she should be home with us!

(Mei Mei is mandarin for "baby sister".)

The Weight of the Wait

Today has been tough. I feel like I have been so blessed in this LID part of the wait. I've felt peace, distracted by the holidays, and time has seemed to fly by. 

But not today. I wish I could walk through this whole adoption process with some kind of saint-like patience, or just become numb to it all, but that's just not reality. As a big adoption cheerleader, I hate saying all of this (because I know in the end it will all be worth every tough day), but sometimes it's just not easy. 

Today, I feel the weight of the wait. I look back, thinking that if I had gotten pregnant when we started this process, I would have a two-month old infant in my arms. And stretched out ahead of us is another pregnancy worth of waiting, likely 9 more months to go before we can bring home our girl (three months more of waiting for a referral call and then six months after that until we can bring her home). I am in the middle of an elephant pregnancy!  

I feel a lot today like I did on the first day of bedrest, knowing that I had four months of laying down ahead of me. I know it's all going to be okay, and it will be all worth it, but it's still tough knowing the long road that lays ahead.

Saying all of this, I also know I have absolutely NO right to complain. I have two beautiful blessings, and have not had to suffer through infertility. So, I'm praying for more peace, more patience, and for hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

And praying for my girl. She waits too.

Crib Time

Each night, after dinner and bath time, we have this ritual at our house. The boys get their last bits of energy ALL out by running between their room, chasing each other, giggling, hiding under covers, and jumping into Ezra's crib together. The other night, as they were laughing in the crib, I started thinking about our girl, wondering for the hundredth time how much time she spends in her crib each day. There is a big possibility that the answer is a lot of time, maybe even most of her time. Our world and hers, at this moment, are two very different places.

This was already on my mind when I read this blog post today. So so sad. And pretty tough to digest, knowing that our child could be there, or in a place very much like it. Please pray for our baby girl and all the rest waiting.

Audrey Bunny Book

It seems so unreal right now, but I know there is a day coming soon when we will have our baby girl in our arms. It will be such a great honor to be the ones who get to show her how beautiful she is, and how precious she is to God.

This book looks so sweet, I can't wait to share it with all my babies! 

LID Monthaversary!

We have now been logged in for TWO months! We are one month closer to knowing who our girl is, and we are just so excited! Just 2-4 months left now before we expect "the call"!  This time of the adoption process is a little weird, because after all the crazy work work work we've come to this point where there's really nothing to do but wait. It makes the whole thing seem a little surreal!

But while we wait, we are gearing up to celebrate the boys birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We are also slowly filling up a closet with little girl clothes, making plans on how to get the boys together into one room, creating her adoption announcement, and making up a packing list for China - among a lot of other little things.

I have also really been enjoying this time of ignorance, before we see her face for the first time and I will inevitably become obsessed (there is really no way around this) with getting our baby girl home as soon as possible!

A Vast Sea

I read a blog of a fellow China momma today, who is in China as I write this to bring home their little boy (you can read her blog here). She wrote that a few days ago they were able to visit their son's orphanage - which looked from her photos to be pretty large. In talking with the orphanage staff she learned that on average only ten children are adopted from the orphanage every year. And in this past year, only five have been adopted. Out of what I can only guess is hundreds of children in that particular institution.

I was just reminded again of the vast sea of orphans (see this list of all of the orphanages) in China (Americans, who adopt more than any other country from China, provide families for only .4% of the orphaned children there).

Sometimes, in the midst of waiting, its easy to forget that there isn't any lack of need for families, just a long process to work through. But for one little one, we're on our way! And before we know it, she will be an orphan no more.

Our Adoption Interview

A couple of weeks ago our church hosted an Orphan Sunday, and they asked if we would be willing to share our adoption story. Here is the interview that was shared with our church! It's such a blessing that we will have this to share with our little one one day, and most importantly, for her to hear how God has been making a way for her since long before she was born.

Oh, how He loves her! 

Three Little Boxes

One of our family's favorite Christmas traditions is packing a shoe box of toys, school supplies, and other personal care things - to a child in need through Samaratan's Purse. I send one for each of our kids - this year we have three ready to send! Two boy boxes and one little girl box.

Our little girl is sending love even though she doesn't know it yet! :)
 

Where it all Began...

These are the faces... the ones that God used to start a stirring in my soul... that would become our lives today.

In 2003 - over TEN years ago, BJ and I were in this orphanage in the Dominican Republic. Holding and playing with kids that were desperate for attention and love. To know that they MATTERED.

It was at THIS moment that I realized I could give a child a home, a family, and show them love. Even as a college student with not much to speak of (we weren't even engaged yet, living in our college houses and borrowing money for pizza.)

I see now so clearly how God used this trip to help shape our family and show love to this little girl in China that we still don't yet know. 

These are children trying to get into the van with us as we left - event CLIMBING INSIDE - with people they just met. My heart still breaks for them and wonders where they are now. Whatever happened to these little ones within nothing and no one?

Enter My World

It's such a strange thing to invite people to enter into this crazy, expensive, long, and kinda-makes-you-nutty world of orphan care/ foster care / adoption... especially when we haven't yet seen the light at the end of the tunnel for ourselves. But I feel this "calling", if you will, to be a voice for these kids. These precious, innocent kids that need families and are DEEPLY loved by God.

I've shared this before, but it just sums up all that swirls around in my head...

"Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes” -David Platt

It's hard to put your passion out there for the world and just trust God that He will move in the hearts of those who he has called.  I just want to snap my fingers and see everyone have this same passion. But I'm learning a lot about letting go, and just trusting.

And I'm seeing such cool glimmers of hope in our church. One (pretty awesome) family in our church, in particular, was moved by this past week during our Orphan Sunday. So much in fact that they have been working like crazy since then to complete an application (that included arranging and completing a visit from a social worker!) in THREE days... so that their family can GIVE UP THEIR CHRISTMAS... to host two orphan girls from Latvia this winter.

Oh. my. goodness.

I am SO in awe of how he's moved in this family... to such a dramatic action for the sake of two little girls on the other side of the world that they have never met. Two girls who will get to experience His love within the sphere of this (did I mention they are amazing) family. Without hosting, these girls have almost 0% chance of being adopted, but with hosting, their chances of finding a permanant family (by the host family or another family in our community) jumps to 65-70%! 

Isn't that just so AWESOME?!! :)

Quote Book

I was just reading though our book of quotes and special memories from the boys, and found this one from a few months ago:

"While driving doing adoption errands, Canaan asked me what we were doing. I told him that we were taking care of paperwork... so China will say yes and let us adopt his baby sister. He asked, 'What if China says no?'.

I told him we have to pray that they say yes. 

He immediately bowed his head and whispered, 'Dear God, please let dem (them) say yes so I can have my baby sister. Amen."

I just love how much he already loves her. :)

Logged in ONE month!

We've been working on our adoption since December of 2012, so in total we've been in the process for 10 months.

We have been told to expect a wait of 4-6 months since our log-in date until we get THE call (and finally learn who our daughter is!). Yesterday marked 1 month into that wait.

Outtakes

It'll be a little while before we have the interview to post (Kate), so here's a little to hold you over. Outtakes! :)  A big thanks to Kyle for recording these two crazy people. :)

Busy Bees

The last month has been SO full of work and all that, but also a lot of fun with the boys and excitement about some projects we're working on. One of the biggest is that I am helping to plan our church's Orphan Sunday for October 27th. Our church staff has been so awesome and encouraging! I can't wait to see what God does through this day, as well as the informational night we are planning for our community to come and learn about foster care and adoption.

Tonight BJ and I are being filmed for a little interview about our adoption that will be shared on Orphan Sunday. I pray that our story might encourage someone to take the first step towards adoption or foster care! :)

Last night after BJ got home I took off with Canaan to meet two other adoptive families (they both also do foster care). I also got to meet two foreign exchange students from China who were so sweet. They helped me translate a few of the things that we'll be sending in our care package to China. It was just so great to be around people who understand this whole adoption world and know what a blessing it is to be able to adopt a sweet little one!

I don't have any relavant pictures to share, so here's Ezra from this week in Indy. I find him to be cute. ;)

It's Sally's birthday!

This little girl has capture my heart. :)

http://newdayfosterhome.blogspot.com/2013/10/happy-birthday-sally.html

Love you Sally and are praying that this time next year you can celebrate with your forever family! :)

Logged IN

As of September 18th, we have been LOGGED IN to China's system!!!

That means that we are eligible to be matched with our child from the "shared" list. All we do now (aside from purchase a new passport because the one I have doesn't include my middle name... the adoption process is ridiculous sometimes)... is wait for the call!! We will likely have to wait about 6 months for our referral, but now we're 2 weeks into that wait! :)

One big step closer!

Hosting a Child

I've been learning more recently about this really cool organization called Project 143, an orphan hosting program. It works, from what I can tell, like this - a family chooses an orphaned child from the photolisting (that also tells a little about the child), and then hosts that child in their home for 4-8 weeks over the winter or summer. The children from P143 are typically older kids (ages 8+), who have a much smaller chance of being adopted than a young child. I've been pouring over the photolisting and have fallen in love with so many of these sweet faces.

It may seem cruel to bring a child into a family for just a short time and then send them back to the orphanage. But it's actually such a blessing for these kids - if even for a few weeks to know the love of a family. And their chances of being adopted dramatically increases because of hosting. This doesn't mean that the host family adopts them (though I'm sure this happens) - but more that the host family can act as an advocate for the child in their community to find an adoptive home.

There is a cost (about $2750 for the hosting family, which is tax deductible) but many have referred to it as a "reverse mission trip" and an amazing opportunity to love an orphaned child.  To learn more, visit http://www.projectonefortythree.org.

The Lengths We Go

I've been told many times by many people how they couldn't imagine going through a long strict bed rest as we did when pregnant with Ezra. In total I was in bed, laying on my left side, and getting up only to shower (twice a week with a chair), go to the bathroom, and go to my doctor (and the hospital, twice when things got scary) - for four months.

The toughest time by far was the time I lost with Canaan. It's so crazy to think about the loss of that time, and the loss of time with our daughter. There is so much of her life I am missing right now. It's a big part of why his time without her is tough, feeling like I am loosing precious time with another of my children.* Every night when I rock Ezra to sleep, I think of her, willing her to know in that moment that I am rocking them both. I am holding him and holding her, and dreaming of the day that all of my children will be home, safe, and in our arms. 

Our time of bed rest was extremely tough, but now it seems like a very distant memory. And here we are with the funniest, wildest little man that we completely adore. And of course I'd do it all over in a second for him. And, even though so many say they couldn't do it, I know they all would. Because I know the lengths we all go for our children. 

And so we face this road with confidence in having, in a way, been here before. We know that one year from now we will have this amazing little girl in our family... and we know that we'd travel this road a hundred times over to find her. 

This song has been running through my mind all day...

"I'd go the whole wide world

I'd go the whole wide world
Just to find her

I'd go the whole wide world

I'd go the whole wide world
Find out where they hide her"

************************************************************

* I feel guilty explaining the difficulty of this process, because I know that our daughter is the one who has really lost the most. She has lost her first family, and she will lose her country, and current care givers. She will come to us with having suffered trauma from these losses - more any child should ever have to go through. 

You did WHAT?!!!!

I am trying to get ready for work this morning, but I can't. I'm so sick and sad thinking of this little girl (please watch the video!) and the MILLIONS like her. Without a family, what will happen to her?

She will be sent out soon, on her own. With nothing and no one.

You can only imagine what might happen next.

Prostitution to survive and drug addiction to cope, are the reality for so many little ones like her. 60% of orphaned girls who age out become prostitutes. And there is no way to track how many are trafficked, though the figures assumed are high (because it is a lucrative illegal business). She would be a perfect target for traffickers because... who will miss her?

And so many don't survive until their 18th birthday. Many will commit suicide. And the average lifespan of a child once they are trafficked is 2-7 years.

A family for this vulnerable girl - who has only a short time before she ages out - would truly mean her life being saved.



Sorry for the heavy post and the title to trick you into reading it. But my heart is heavy with the reality of these children and their desperate need for someone to care.


"Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes..."

- David Platt, Radical

DTC

Trumpets are blasting, birds are singing and squirrels dancing in the street to "Oh Happy Day". Okay, maybe not. But it feels that way because we. are. DTC!!! 

DTC means, "Dossier to China", which is a HUGE milestone in our adoption and one BIG step closer to our baby girl. Now we wait to be "Logged In", which means we are officially in China's system... and then we wait to be matched!

(Actual date today is 9/13 - Friday the 13th) :)

Today I'm in Chicago with a group of girlfriends and was so excited to get the call we've been waiting for! 

Indy!

It's been over a week now that we finally got that LAST piece of paper needed to complete our dossier for China. That paper, the "I-797" is our approval from the US government to adopt from China. And just about 20 minutes after my last blog post, it arrived. :)

I saw our mailman drive by (from my perch), and RAN downstairs and out the front door. The boys were being watched by our friend Amy (as I worked from home that day). I found the boys in the driveway and we walked together, hand-in-hand down our long driveway to the mailbox. I wasn't expecting to find this sweet moment with my boys at the end of this wait, but there it was. And I soaked up. :)

About 15 minutes later I was on the road to Indianapolis to have the 797 notarized, copied, certified by the Secretary of State, and then sent off via UPS to be authenticated by the Consulate in Chicago. After 35 minutes of circling the block looking for parking spot, and then going to the wrong building (twice), I finally got everything done that I needed to. It was a HOT day, and my feet were killing me (why oh why did I wear flip flops), but I just kept singing a made up tune, "I'll do anything for you my baby girl. Anything to find you my baby girl.". :)

I read this today and it made me smile - imaging our world -- and hers -- one year from now. :)

Sparrow

I'm sitting here perched next to my bedroom window for the second day in a row - working from home - with a view of our mailbox waiting on our mail carrier to perhaps bring this one sheet of paper I might be interested in seeing.

And this little sparrow flies by and lands on the window sill in front of me. She waits, looks around, sits for a while, and then flies off to our roof. I am brought back to a time not so long ago when I found myself spending day after day in this room (adding up to four months) while on strict bedrest with Ezra. The same thing happened - just once in four months. A sweet little bird and a sweet reminder of Luke 12:6-7 and Matthew 6:26.

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

I actually, for a hot minute a month ago, wanted to name our daughter Sparrow. (Don't worry, BJ quickly vetoed it.)  :) I just love knowing this - that while I can't be with our daughter - I don't know where she is or how she is, but God knows. His eye is on her, and he loves her so much. 

He is also the one who set this plan in our hearts to bring her home and into our family - and he will see it through. Delays to us, I know, are very likely the plans of God to make sure we find our way to the one precious little girl he has planned for us.

So today, I will thank God in all things. Even delays.

(Yes, that's crayon on our window - the artwork of our Ezra.)

It Didn't Come...

Okay, this will prove that I am in fact a total dork, but you know that scene in The Princess Bride where Carey Elwes (AKA The Man in Black) doesn't show up to stop the wedding... and afterwards the princess mutters down the hall in disbelief, "he didn't come."

Having that kind of moment. I had prayed that our 797, approved, but already a week late, would finally appear in our mail today. But it didn't.

I'm sad.  I'm frustrated.  And trying to muster up positivity from within myself - though I know right now it's only going to come by God's grace.

Approval!

We have our I-800 approval! It won't go out in the mail until Monday, which means we will end up in our mailbox likely on Wednesday or Thursday of next week. This is about a week later than I had expected, but at least it's coming. So thankful that we at least had no mistakes or anything missing that would cause more delays!

We have been in the process now for over 8 months... with likely a year (or more) to go. Please pray for endurance for us! And, as always, for our little one that continues to wait.

Pity party of one

Well, we have an officer, which for most means a quick, 2-day approval. We've been waiting two days and our case hasn't even been looked at yet.

Not. even. started.

We've waited almost 60 days for this approval, which I haven't minded because it's expected. But even this teeny tiny two day delay makes me want to cry. Feeling like it's our home study all over again.

Deep breaths, Jess. Get it together woman! There are bigger. things. than. this.

I can't imagine those who have huge, significant delays AND are matched. Praying praying praying that we endure our delays all BEFORE the match, and none after. Wouldn't that be wishful thinking? :)

Oh well, all in God's perfect timing. He's still in control, still clearing the planned path to the child he has meant for us (and us for her). Isn't that cool?! :)

We have an officer!

After 56 days of waiting, we have a USCIS officer assigned to our case! That's great news and means we should (unless anything goes wrong with our paperwork), have our approval within the next week!

It always feels so surreal in the midst of these long waits, like you just had a dream that you are adopting and it's not actually happening. Thankfully, this particular wait has been predictable and not all too stressful. Just going about life as usual (including Canaan's first day of preschool yesterday. Whaaaattt???)!

I dream to hold you in my arms

I'm praying and hoping that we are now under the 4 week mark in waiting on our Immigration approval - the last big step before our dossier can be sent to China. Canaan is so sweet and talks so often about his baby sister. Whenever he draws something (or even when he made a little boat the other day out of some foam blocks), it's ALWAYS for her.

We're on our way to you, little one, and we love you so much. That's part of the miracle of adoption - how much you can truly, deeply, love someone you have never laid eyes on. I dream of holding you, comforting you, being you Momma. In my heart you are already ours - we just have to find you!

In My Arms
(Jon Foreman)

Here, my dear
This is where
We'll shake the nightmare free

I dream to hold you in my arms
I dream to hold you in my arms
To hold you in my arms
Wide awake in my arms

I think I figured it out
We need to be together
Like the shore and the sea

We are not one thing
We're drawn here together
My ocean and me

I dream to hold you in my arms
I dream to hold you in my arms
To hold you in my arms
Wide awake in my arms

Love, we sleep apart
For the last time
For the last time

I dream to hold you in my arms
I dream to hold you in my arms
To hold you in my arms
Wide awake in my arms  

 

More About New Day

I should be sleeping, but instead I'm sobbing watching this. It's just so beautiful what New Day Foster Home is doing in China. The video is a little long, but SO worth watching.

The New Day Story from New Day Foster Home on Vimeo.

No Mistakes!

It feels like a complete miracle to hear back today that our dossier has been reviewed and they found no mistakes, nothing to redo, no "i" undotted! With such a large stack of papers that all needs to be done in a very precise way, this is SO wonderful to hear! We are really all ready now to be DTC (Dossier to China) - we just need that one last piece of paper. Just one more month to go until it's in our hands (we hope)!

YEAAA!!!!! :)

Dossier Recieved

I'm not gonna lie - I lost some sleep in the middle of the past few nights thinking of all the horrible things that could happen to our dossier on it's way to the west coast. But now, it is safely in the hands of Holt. :)

Sighing big sighs of relief over here.

Trusting God with each step, every day, is an ongoing process.

Getting ready to send out our dossier!

Parts of our dossier! I love the fancy seals. They make me happy. :)

Bye Bye Dossier!

Today we sent out 99% of our dossier to our agency! We just have our (notarized, certified and authenticated) I-800 approval to be totally done. But in the meantime Holt is going to review everything else for us. It was a scary, weird feeling putting this precious stack of paper out by UPS that is the fruit of seven months of work and what will be in the hands of adoption officials in China. Praying its trip to Oregon goes smoothly!!!

"Find Me"

I have never been a person who cries easily, but oh how adoption has changed that. My eyes have been opened to this heartbreaking and yet beautiful world and I am already forever changed through this process. You can support the efforts to complete this movie, "Find Me", here.

Yep, In Love Again...

Little Miss Sally is pretty stinkin' adorable (read more about her here). Little ones like her have helped us open our hearts to the idea of more special needs. Because really, wouldn't you say yes to her if asked? Uh, yep. In a heartbeat!

Sally is one of so many precious little ones being care for by an American/Chinese foster home in China. I love reading the foster home's blog - it's so clear that the children in their care are so dearly loved. I'm praying that our little girl is being loved as much as Sally and her friends at New Day!

Waiting on 797!

Homestudy approval.... check!
i800 sent out & recieved.... check!
Fingerprinting downtown. for both BJ & I.. check!

USCIS Buliding where we went for fingerprinting last week

And now we just wait to be assigned a USCIS officer, which I'm expecting will happen about a month from now (or a little later). The good news is that once we have an officer we should have our approval in a day or two. I'm thrilled because it seems like this part of the process is going quickly enough that I don't expect we'll have issues with our medical paperwork expiring.

BJ asked me the other day why I haven't blogged in a while, and what it comes down to is that this part isn't all that exciting! But, for our little one who might be interested in these details, I'll keep writing!

The bottom line is, that we are getting SO close to the next major step in this process, which is being DTC (Dossier to China)! Then we have to wait for our dossier (the collection of documents needed to adopt) to be "logged in" in China, which could take another month wait. THEN... the wait to be matched really begins. That wait could take up to eight months (putting us matched anywhere from October 2013 to May 2014). Of course I want for us to be matched quickly! But I know that God has one little one in mind for us, and that HIS timing is perfect to make it possible for us to find her.

Keeping my head on straight

This process is seriously so wild! We wait and wait and WAIT... and then frantically hurry hurry HURRY... and then wait again! This has been a crazy week as we've been talking back and forth with our home study agency and our placing agency by email and phone, stay up late making corrections and then even up to the last minute we were making changes/additions in order to get it approved.

We have a few little things to get done now that our home study is approved (I won't bore you with our list - what I'm about to explain I'm sure is boring enough!), but the main thing is that Friday, once we get the notarized copies we can send out our I-800a (the form from U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services - our "Application for Determination of Suitability to Adopt a Child from a Convention Country"). The process of getting our I-800a approved can easily take four months. We have to have it back in three months and three weeks - by October 16th to be exact - in order to ensure that our medical paperwork doesn't expire. If it does, we will need to get it redone, which means arranging a notary to be at our doctor's office again, getting them county certified at the county courthouse again, sending them off to the state again, and then off again (through the courier which costs $90 plus $20 per document) to the consulate. All of which just equals delays, which no one adopting is a big fan of!

So the bottom line is - please pray that we get our approval before October 16th! :)

It's so hard to explain a process that I only understand myself one step at a time. There are times when it can feel overwhelming because there are SO many details and everything must be done very precisely and is it's all time sensitive. That's why I've been SO thankful to finally find a (private) online community that we can connect with - where everyone in the group is adopting from China and are at the same stage as us. They get it... and they are like a group of informed adoption cheerleaders. We all have one goal and that's getting kids into families, no matter what we have to go through (but it certainly helps to go through it together)!

Home Study Approved!

We still need to get our notarized copies so that we can send out our 1-800a application ASAP, but for now I'm just thrilled that we have our home study approval! One big step closer to our waiting little one!!




Canaan has become so used to our regular trips to UPS to send out documents to various state departments and consulates, that he drives around his toy car at home saying, "I'm going' to da UPS store".

I Agree with Canaan ;)

Canaan's been a little extra whiny lately, which is a JOY. Haha. But I can't help but love this. I love the love he already has for her.

Home Study Update

Our draft is complete! I'm so thrilled to see an end (at least with this small part) in sight!!! :)

Aside from checking documents and sending emails, today I've been caring for a teething/feverish boy (Ezra) and enjoying the nice weather with both outside, including Canaan's first swim lesson!

Crickets...

Over two months after our final home study visit, we are still waiting. Every week is a new promise that our home study report will be wrapped up in days. And every week is another unresponded to phone call or email, or another timeline for NEXT week. It's sooo frustrating, but I know that waiting is something we will need to just get used to over the course of the next year... and remember that the wait we experience is nothing compared to hers.

We know our daughter waits for us. It's so hard to face these delays knowing that it in the end it will mean more time for her to be in an institution instead of a family where she belongs.

"When you say YES to adoption, you are saying YES to enter the suffering of the orphan, and that suffering includes WAITING FOR YOU TO GET TO THEM. I promise you, their suffering is worse than yours. We say YES to the tears, YES to the longing, YES to the maddening process, YES to the money, YES to hope, YES to the screaming frustration of it all, YES to going the distance through every unforeseen discouragement and delay. Do not imagine that something outside of "your perfect plan" means you heard God wrong. There is NO perfect adoption. EVERY adoption has snags. We Americans invented the "show me a sign" or "this is a sign" or "this must mean God is closing a door" or "God must not be in this because it is hard," but all that is garbage. You know what's hard? Being an orphan. They need us to be champions and heroes for them, fighting like hell to get them home. So we will. We may cry and rage and scream and wail in the process, but get them home we will." - Jen Hatmaker

Thinking of You Baby Girl!

To our sweet baby girl,

Wherever you are in the world today, you are on all of our minds. We love you so much and can't wait to meet you and hold you! We are learning new words every day in Mandarin so we can better communicate with you. So far we (including Canaan) have learned:

Hello
Goodbye
Thank you
I'm sorry
Yes
No
Brother
Sister
Are you hungry?
Are you thirsty?
Grandma
Grandpa
Mommy
Daddy

And most importantly... I love you!

Canaan talks about you and asks questions about you ALL the time. The other night he said out of nowhere, "my baby sister is going to be cute like I'm cute." Sweet... and oh so humble! Haha!

Last night he made this drawing of you (with no prompting). You're Daddy can't quite make it out, but I can see clearly your legs, feet, (at least one) eye, and a "big smile"! You'll have to excuse Canaan's face covered in yogurt! :)

With much love for you - who we've never met but we dream of every night,

Mommy,  Daddy, Canaan & Ezra

Doubt

It's easy in facing a long adoption process to have moments where doubt creeps in. Where you wonder if you're doing to right thing, if your ready, if you can handle this process... but I realize that those also tend to also be the moments where I've turned my gaze inward (or to the world of skeptics and negativity) instead of outward toward God. And... it's also when I've stopped thinking about all of this from our waiting child's perspective. I have to step back from my emotions sometimes and remember that this was laid out so clearly for us and God is in control. He knows what we can handle and is empowering and growing us to be able to handle what's next.

If your reading this (not many are!), please pray for us... and more importantly pray for the one who is waiting on us to fight this fight (and wait this wait) for her.

Getting things done!

Today on my list (besides house cleaning and grocery shopping) is getting 5 of our Ohio state certified documents out to the NY Chinese Consulate (via a courier service) to be authenticated, and sending our marriage license to the Indiana Secretary of State to be certified... again. Our first marriage license was issued at the end of 2012 and it's getting clear it will probably be too old by the time our dossier is in the hands of our agency. I'm hoping it's the only document we'll need to redo!!

We are praying praying PRAYING that our home study report might be finished this week. It would be the best birthday gift I could ask for. As of today we've been waiting 38 days for it. :(

Never Give Up

We're still waiting for our home study to be written.... waiting and waiting some more. The wait is part of our path to finding our little girl and bringing her home... and she's so worth every difficult minute.

This is the quote that pops into my head whenever I start feeling discouraged about how slooooowwww things can move in adoption. I love it!

My First Homemade Baby Dress

...or it could be a shirt if she's much bigger than I'm imagining! :)

I'm branching out from pirate pants and fabric guitar toys (which our dog distroyed... boo). :)

What to Expect When You're... Adopting

Yesterday I came across these really great articles on what to expect when adopting a child from China with regards to cleanliness and potty training. Great reads for anyone else on a China adoption journey!

Cleanliness
Potty Training

Mandarin Lessons at our Place!

Thanks to some free audio translation apps we've been learning how to say a few things in Mandarin! I've been surprised how into it Canaan is! He's been asking me "How do you say {this word} to my baby sister..." questions - 99.9% of the time my answer is "I have no. idea." Slowly we're learning a very small number of phrases. :) Yesterday Canaan asked, "How do you say, 'Stop hitting me Ezra!'?" Haha

Here's Canaan learning Mandarin on the iPad, and our little Mandarin playroom sign. It's our own interpretation of how we think things could be spelled with English characters, but it works for us!

I love how much Canaan talks about his baby sister and ask questions about her. I can't wait for the day when we can have our three babies finally all together!

Stuck

Last night a few friends and I got to see the documentary film "Stuck" from the Both Ends Burning. I was still holding back tears thinking of it as I drove into work this morning.

Early in our adoption process we considered adopting from Bulgaria (because we believed at the time that China was a closed program to us), but we were very concerned about the long wait for a child with mild/moderate special needs (which is 3-4 years currently). We want to give a child a home that really needs one. But we wondered - if there is such a long wait, is there really even a need for adoptive families there? But the sad truth is, yes - desperately. The waits are long, not because there are more families than children available, but because of a broken system - and the children are suffering because of it.

And this is true unfortunately, not just for Bulgaria, but for a large number of countries. MILLIONS of orphans are left with very little hope for ever being part of a family.

Please consider signing the petition to encourage change for the sake of these forgotten, stuck children.


(For those who watched the movie, here's an update on sweet little Nate.)

Thrifting for Baby

I can't wait to see our little one wearing these sweet kicks! :)

The LeSuer Family

I've come across and watched this video twice now and both times it brings me to tears. I can't wait to meet our baby girl!

Hurry Up... Wait

That pretty much defines the adoption process, we're learning! Right now we are in a holding pattern, waiting on our home study to be completed by our social worker. This beautiful weather is a great distraction!

In other news, we saw another great documentary the other day called "Somewhere Between" (on Netflix). It was very well done! It gave us a little gimps into our lives as an adoptive family, but it already breaks my heart to think of the hurt (from the loss of her birth family and/or caretakers, from all the unknowns of her past, and even probably some insensitive comments) our child will likely experience.

Home Study #2

BJ and I headed up to Indy for our second home study visit (the first was in our home so the second didn't need to be) and felt it went really great! Our social worker was really nice and friendly and set us at ease. We are happy to have this part of the process behind us now! We have some waiting to do before we can finish up our dossier and we're hopeful that by the end of May our paperwork will be on its way to China! :)

Currently Reading....

This book has gone a bit under the radar with adoptive families, but the reviews look great! I'm excited to learn more about issues of race and how we can help our daughter to grow up to love and appreciate the fact that she is Chinese and know how beautiful she is!

Our First Home Study Visit

This morning we had our first home study visit! I wish we has been a little more prepared for some of the questions, but overall it went really well and our social worker is so nice! We will have either one or two more visits to finish up things, and then we'll wait a couple of months for the home study document to be completed. We're wrapping up most of our document chase, so we're starting more of the waiting game... It's no fun - it's a pretty helpless feeling. But I just have to keep reminding myself that we're in no big rush! Everything will happen in God's time!

Her Baby Book

Keeping memories for our little girl is so important to me, just as it is important with our boys! I knew that the traditional baby book wouldn't be appropriate for our third little one, so I was so thrilled to find this baby book for adopted children! It's adorable! There are only a few little things (like the "astrological sign" bit) that I would change, but other than that it's perfect! Just as when I held my boy's baby books in my hands during pregnancy, I can't wait to know what will be filled in on these pages. I can't wait to meet and learn all about her!

I've also started working on the framework of her Lifebook, which is meant to be the story of her life from her perspective - from her birth through her adoption and coming home to join our family.