Don't Freak Out

I had my urology appointment and didn't quite like the word "tumor" coming up in the conversation as a possibility of why there might be blood in my urine. Thankfully, this unfortunate word was preceded by "there is a very small chance it could be a...". I'm guessing kidney stones are actually to blame since I have had them in the past. We'll find out in two weeks when I have my CT scan. Is it just me, or is that a ridiculous amount of time to wait and see for sure that I DON'T have a tumor?

There are many things I though would be involved in the process of adopting - a CT scan and a mortifying scope of my bladder were definitely not two of them!

Amazing Doctors!

BJ's specialists and their nurses, in particular his cardiologist and his nurse, rank up there with my favorite people on earth right now. Huge crisis averted today thanks to them! Truly, if it weren't for these two wonderful people our adoption plans would have come to a crashing halt an hour ago. I could cry I am so relieved and so thankful!

And now...

Heading out soon for our family's 6th trip to the doctor in two weeks (plus 1 nurse visit and we have 2 more appointments scheduled in the next week). Between colds, ear infections, sinus infections, mysterious blood in my urine, Ezra's rash (the latest thing), and of course our adoption, this is getting a little nuts. :p

Overwhelmed

So here are the overwhelming things...

Grieving the loss of Grandma Murphy
My own Grandma in hospice care
All of us just getting well after nearly a month sick (and about a month of bad sleep helping both boys back to bed)
BJ's medical tests coming up
My own medical tests showing issues I was unaware of, and likely many more tests (CT scans, etc) coming up to figure out the cause. Praying for nothing major that might prevent our adoption from China.
Ezra teething and in pain (equals one grumpy guss)

Today I'm just trying to catch my breath, remember that God is in control, and focus on the positive things that I am so thankful for:

Our beautiful boys
Our faithful and comforting God
Our family and friends
Our church family and small group
This sunny winter day
A friend bringing us a meal today

Highs and Lows

Early yesterday morning, we lost BJ's very dear and amazing Grandma Murphy. We are heartbroken and I can say for myself, a little bit in disbelief. It's so strange to know that someone you deeply love is no longer with is here on earth. I feel so sad with this loss, and she wasn't even my Grandmother. My heart aches for BJ and Maria and their Dad.

It's so strange, in this midst of such sadness, that we have been given a huge piece of our adoption puzzle. We have not only gotten two very important letters written on BJ's behalf (in addition to the letter FCN bank is notarizing), I have been able to arrange two separate notaries from two different bank branches to both GO to the doctors offices tomorrow at just the right time... for free. Coordinating this is a huge weight lifted, and it means our plans to adopt from China will likely be very possible. I absolutely am giving God all the glory in this. He is moving mountains to make way for our baby girl. To feel joy at this and at the same time such sadness about Grandma is so strange.

Now we move onto focusing on the funeral and memorial services over the next few days. It's going to be a difficult time. We have been so blessed in our loves to have known such an amazing woman.

Dear sweet baby girl...

Somewhere out in the world... are you sleeping? Are you playing? Crying? Being held? I wish so much I could be with you and hold you, tickle you and kiss your sweet face. I love you baby girl. Your Momma misses you and am thinking of you, my little one. Praying for you tonight and thankful that the same God I know and love, knows and loves you. Wherever you might be, He is with you.

Test Results Unclear

At my OB appointment today they confirmed what my physical lab tests showed (blood in my urine). They are running more tests to see what's going on. I also had a nurse come to the house this weekend as part of the process to get life insurance (which I apparently lost when I went part time a year ago and am just now finding out, after it's too late to get insured through BJ). It's important and required for the adoption!

Here's a pic of my lovely blood test bruise. With all these medical tests I'm starting to feel like I'm pregnant again!

Our Crazy Life!

I'm beginning to feel like I'm getting a masters degree in adoption! I got my Masters in Graphic Design in 2004 and this is just as difficult (if not more so) with an added emotional element. Juggling the adoption to-dos (a logistical nightmare right now with our medical situation), working, housework, leading two small groups between the two of us and of course taking care of the boys (including preschool registration - WHAT?!!)... while we are all sick... is feeling a little nutty. It's times like these I need to remind myself that there is no rush to get our home study done quick (this is me, working on our home study before we've even officially been approved for China. Ansy much, Jess?). It will get done when it gets done. And God's in control of it all anyway, He's made that quite clear already. This is His thing, His plan, not ours. He has our child on His mind and knows what happens next!

Test Results

So one of my tests came back abnormal... I'm not sure what it means in terms of my health or our adoption. The doctor wants to rerun the test in a couple of weeks and see what comes of it. I really can't wait to get past this medical hurdle for both of us. It just seems to keep getting harder and harder. We're not in any big rush, but I want to just know one way or the other if China is going to work out for us. With Russia shutting down I feel nervous about any European country right now. Not that they are unstable, but that I am guessing they will start being flooded with new requests.

Checkup #1

Our adoption is underway, though in a weird, out-of-order sort of way. We have been given new hope from Holt International about the possibility of adopting from China, and, since it has always been on our hearts to adopt from Asia, we're going to go down that road and pray that it might work out! The biggest hurdle is our medical exams. China is pretty strict when it comes to the health of adoptive parents. Even too high of a BMI will exclude you. When we originally started looking, our first agency contact told us we should probably forget about China because of these restrictions and instead consider Bulgaria (which is why we started down that road).

Now, with this renewed hope from Holt regarding China we are so thrilled! If we can get a doctor's letter saying that our health is good and that BJ's health conditions would not affect his ability to parent a child, the Holt China team believes we should be okay! The reality is that his medical conditions DON'T impact our day-to-day lives, but because his blood condition is so rare his doctor is not really familiar with it and might see it as more serious than it really is.

So, this month our focus is on getting his physical and blood work done (and mine as we'll while we're at it). We then need to get two copies of our medical form and two copies of a doctor's letter for each of us, both notarized. Miracle of all miracles, after being told a flat-out "no" from a few notaries, I found a notary (yea FCN bank!) who is willing to help us out and work with us.

So... if we can get this part accomplished then we will then apply to Holt's China "Children of Promise" (minor/moderate special needs) program, hopefully early next month. Thankfully, the medicals are still a huge piece of the home study that we will need to get done anyway, so we'll be a step ahead on that one.

I also did a bit of research and with Holt's help (keep in mind we haven't even APPLIED yet - they are so awesome) I've found our in-state home study agency. I contacted the agency and they sent over their home study packet. For the first time I now have a clearer picture of what we need to do (at least for the home study portion) paperwork wise, including FBI fingerprinting, CPS reports for our entire family, 8 references, a full financial report, autobiographies, and proof that our pets are up-to-date on their vaccines... among a long list of other things. It all seems actually, quite manageable after the medical part we're going through now!

So today I had my physical and blood work done with my new doctor (I switched to BJ's doctor to make things simpler. It's hard enough having to go through this confusing paperwork with one doctor, let alone two). He's not the best with bedside manner. My "favorite" quote of the visit: "Are you up-to-date on all your shots?" (Um, huh???)

BJ is up next and we're praying it goes well!

Christmas Stocking

We don't know your name yet but you have a Christmas stocking! Praying that this time next year we might have seen your face, and that by the following Christmas you will be home with us. We miss you so much!