Middle Mommys

My friend "S" and her husband recently became licensed foster parents, and very soon after found themselves with little ones in their family. They quickly fell in love with the babies in their care, but just a few short weeks later the children were placed with extended biological family. It's heartbreaking for foster families to love and then lose their foster children, even if returning to biological family is the best thing for the children. And that is why the love of foster families is so beautiful and selfless. Because despite the heartbreak they love anyway. And the love of foster families is so essential. Not just a roof over a child's head, but love. Because love grows children - emotionally, spiritually, even physically.

Seeing "S" go through the pain of loosing her foster children had me often wondering about our own child's caregivers. Whether our daughter is in an orphanage or a foster home, my greatest hope for her right now is that she is loved. I know that if she is, this will sadly mean pain for her caregivers (and our daughter) when we bring our little girl home. But her being loved in this in-between time is the best we can hope for her right now.

Last week I was reading the blog of a fellow China momma, and was struck so hard by the story of meeting her child's foster family.  She wrote this of the experience:

"We arrived at the place that Julia Mei lived her entire life. Her apartment was on the second floor and I think it had 3 rooms. Once we entered the apartment it was like a huge party, with lots of loud talking, smiling faces, and fruit to share.  Julia Mei's foster parents were older, with 2 adult children, a grandchild, and 2 other foster children.  The younger foster child is unable to see and the older one I believe is also visually impaired and it looks like microcephally. 

We were packed in that kitchen and the gifts started. A beautiful new jacket,  pants, and hat for Julia Mei.  For me, a handmade scarf and a cross stitch that took 3 months to make. Julia Mei's foster sister put the scarf on me and laughed and chattered in Chinese, probably about my big and wild hair that she was pulling up for me. Julia Mei was all smiles although she was 110% bossy about eating enough clementines,  and she was catered to by all. 

I got to see the bedroom and where Julia Mei slept.  It looked like a changing table and I believe there was only 1 bedroom.  Her play area was on the floor. Everybody took out their phones to show me pictures and videos of her as a small infant. She was clearly treasured by this family.  The mother explained that they live in government housing and will need to move out in 2 years when they tear it down.

We went outside to look at the river and to take more photos. They lit fireworks as we left. I will never forget this place and I'm so amazed even to have had the opportunity to meet this family since that is not always allowed. Their home would clearly not be cut out as a foster home in the United States and in fact,  a child would probably be removed from such a setting. The extreme poverty did not matter.  The neighbors, extended family,  and foster parents provided care and love in a familial setting that an orphanage could never match.

We said our final goodbyes and dropped off the foster mom. She was sobbing and Julia Mei passed out in the car after crying herself to sleep."




It is rare for an adoptive family to have such an experience, meeting their child's foster family. I am so thankful for this blog and the peak into their foster family's life.