But not today. I wish I could walk through this whole adoption process with some kind of saint-like patience, or just become numb to it all, but that's just not reality. As a big adoption cheerleader, I hate saying all of this (because I know in the end it will all be worth every tough day), but sometimes it's just not easy.
Today, I feel the weight of the wait. I look back, thinking that if I had gotten pregnant when we started this process, I would have a two-month old infant in my arms. And stretched out ahead of us is another pregnancy worth of waiting, likely 9 more months to go before we can bring home our girl (three months more of waiting for a referral call and then six months after that until we can bring her home). I am in the middle of an elephant pregnancy!
I feel a lot today like I did on the first day of bedrest, knowing that I had four months of laying down ahead of me. I know it's all going to be okay, and it will be all worth it, but it's still tough knowing the long road that lays ahead.
Saying all of this, I also know I have absolutely NO right to complain. I have two beautiful blessings, and have not had to suffer through infertility. So, I'm praying for more peace, more patience, and for hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
And praying for my girl. She waits too.
I love you SO much, Jess! Praying for you - I cannot even begin to imagine. And although it WILL all be worth it in the end, its not the end right now. You have every right to wish you were with your daughter sooner. If at any time you need an ear, I am ALWAYS always ALWAYS here for you!
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